Judging from the behavior of many politicians, people could easily conclude that the only way to get ahead in today’s society is to be a jerk. Research, however, indicates that is not the case. A few years ago, journalist Laura Counts reported, “The evidence is in: Nice guys and gals don’t finish last, and being a selfish jerk doesn’t get you ahead. That’s the clear conclusion from research that tracked disagreeable people — those with selfish, combative, manipulative personalities — from college or graduate school to where they landed in their careers about 14 years later.”[1] Cameron Anderson, a professor at the University of California, Berkeley, Haas School of Business, told Counts, “I was surprised by the consistency of the findings. No matter the individual or the context, disagreeableness did not give people an advantage in the competition for power — even in more cutthroat, ‘dog-eat-dog’ organizational cultures.” Anderson co-authored the study with UC Berkeley psychology professor Oliver P. John, researcher Daron L. Sharps, and associate professor Christopher J. Soto of Colby College.

Unfortunately, Counts writes, “That’s not to say that jerks don’t reach positions of power. It’s just that they don’t get ahead faster than others, and being a jerk simply doesn’t help. … That’s because any power boost they get from being intimidating is offset by their poor interpersonal relationships, the researchers found. In contrast, they found that extroverts were the most likely to have advanced in their organizations, based on their sociability, energy and assertiveness — findings backed up by prior research.” According to Anderson, placing jerks in powerful positions does more harm than good to organizations. He told Counts, “The bad news here is that organizations do place disagreeable individuals in charge just as often as agreeable people. In other words, they allow jerks to gain power at the same rate as anyone else, even though jerks in power can do serious damage to the organization.”

A few years before Anderson and his colleagues released their study, graphic designer Lisa Cholnoky established National Decency Day as a response to the increasing divisiveness and aggression she saw in both public and private discourse. Her aim was to remind people that treating others with respect and kindness, regardless of differing opinions or backgrounds, was the best way to create successful societies. Cholnoky selected the term “decency” — rather than “kindness” or “compassion” — because it stresses behavior rather than emotions. Decency is defined as behavior that conforms to accepted standards of morality or respectability. Cholnoky stressed that people could embrace decency in their interactions through more mindful listening (i.e., taking the time to listen actively to others and trying to understand their viewpoints). Decency doesn’t require agreement, just respectful behavior and speech.

How bad have things become in the United States? Opinion columnist Thomas L. Friedman believes “we’ve lost our moorings as a society.”[2] Friedman likens the moorings needed by society to mangroves found along many tropical coastlines. He writes, “Mangroves filter toxins and pollutants through their extensive roots, they provide buffers against giant waves set off by hurricanes and tsunamis, they create nurseries for young fish to safely mature because their cabled roots keep out large predators, and they literally help hold the shoreline in place.” He adds, “To my mind, one of the saddest things that has happened to America in my lifetime is how much we’ve lost so many of our mangroves. They are endangered everywhere today — but not just in nature.”

So, what are the mangroves to which he refers? He explains, “Our society itself has lost so many of its social, normative and political mangroves as well — all those things that used to filter toxic behaviors, buffer political extremism and nurture healthy communities and trusted institutions for young people to grow up in and which hold our society together.” Dov Seidman, an author and specialist in organizational culture, told Friedman, “Without leaders who, through their example and decisions, safeguard our norms and celebrate them and affirm them and reinforce them, the words on paper — the Bill of Rights, the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence — will never unite us.”

Friedman concludes, “More than ever, we are living in the ‘never-ending storm”’ that Seidman described to me back in 2016, in which moral distinctions, context and perspective — all the things that enable people and politicians to make good judgments — get blown away. Blown away — that is exactly what happens to the plants, animals and people in an ecosystem that loses its mangroves.” Losing one’s personal mangroves can happen more easily than you might think.

Author Elizabeth Svoboda explains, “Your brain gets used to wrongdoing. It can also get used to doing good. … Initially we may be horrified at the thought of lying, cheating or hurting someone. But as we engage in wrongdoing over and over, our brains tend to grow numb to it. It’s harder to embezzle or kill for the first time than it is for the tenth.”[3] Svoboda agrees with Friedman that personal mangroves are important when it comes to behaving decently. She explains, “It’s easier for people to act morally when they embrace bottom-line values that they’ll uphold no matter what. … Those who listen to their better angels not only escape the self-reproach that comes from avoiding what they feel is right action, they may even find deep purpose and joy in aligning their actions with their value system.”

Concluding Thoughts

Knowing you can change divisive or aggressive behavior adds a gravitas to National Decency Day. The staff at Dayspedia explains, “The idea of the holiday is not just a call for politeness, but a drive towards a more respectful and kind public culture where everyone feels heard and valued. Key principles of decency [include]: Respect for the opinions and feelings of others; responsibility for one’s words and actions; willingness to engage in dialogue, even in case of disagreement; care for others and involvement in community life; [and] acceptance of differences and rejection of bias.”[4] The day serves as a reminder that decency is not just a moral obligation but a foundation for a peaceful and just society. It encourages everyone to reflect on their behavior and strive to be better role models for future generations.

Footnotes

[1] Laura Counts, “Being a selfish jerk doesn’t get you ahead, research finds,” Haas News, 31 August 2020.

[2] Thomas L. Friedman, “How We’ve Lost Our Moorings as a Society,” The New York Times, 28 May 2024.

[3] Elizabeth Svoboda, “The Slippery Slope of Ethical Collapse—And How Courage Can Reverse It,” Scientific American, 14 October 2025.

[4] Staff, “National Decency Day,” Dayspedia.